Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
