I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
