I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
