I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
