1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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