i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
