Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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