i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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