got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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