wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
