Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
