just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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