His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
