hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
