Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
