We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
