i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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