she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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