happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
