I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
