the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
