so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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