I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
