wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
