Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We were destined to go to rehab together
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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