wat bout pragnant strippers??
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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