I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
