It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
