We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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