Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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