Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
