I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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