I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize