Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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