so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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