Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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