I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You're like the curious george of whores
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
