No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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