I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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