Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
