i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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