soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
