so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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