Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
