not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
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I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked