i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.