don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
