omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you made out with another girl for some wings
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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