I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
