My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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