Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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