I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
