I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
