This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
