I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
