I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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