everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
