physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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