I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
