Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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