i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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