Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
