You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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