I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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