remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drunk is a universal language darling
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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