Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
