Umm I'm too high to move.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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