i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
