You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
